This week marks the end of my Kaiser Depression Care Management. While I am still seeing my MFT (Marriage & Family Therapist) I have been discharged by my depression manager because I have shown significant decrease in my depression symptoms.
You see, each time I saw her we went over 10+ questions to help determine the severity of my depression. These are some of the hardest questions to answer when you're in the thick of it, because it forces you to say outloud what you might want to keep in your head. Questions like: In the past 2 weeks, have you struggled to find 1 thing that you enjoy doing? And the responses vary from "Not at All" (Meaning you've found pleasure in something each day) all the way to "Most Days" (Meaning you could not enjoy even 1 thing for the majority of the past 2 weeks).
When I first began, my answers varied from several days to most days struggling to enjoy activities, feeling isolated/forgotten. I was tired most of the time, was overeating (which is one of the questions they ask), feeling unworthy and forgotten by most people in my life. The biggest hurdle was struggling to make decisions. ANY decision felt extremely overwhelming. Even deciding what to have for dinner would bring me to tears (on my worst days) because I just couldn't choose.
The service that Kaiser provided was almost like a Depression Coach. I would meet with her every 2 weeks and we would talk about things I enjoyed doing. I shared how I loved Zumba when I was doing it but felt that I couldn't physically handle that anymore. She would then provide me with other options, like going for a walk, just to get some physical activity and start there. That's all. She didn't suggest trying Zumba again (until we were months into the process) which was a relief. The entire process was about taking steps, no matter how big or small, to start enjoying life again.
Her motto was "Getting ready... to be ready... to step back into life" and I absolutely loved it. It was an accessible way for someone who couldn't even decide what to eat to commit to walk for 2 days a week. Then 3 days. The biggest goal was getting good sleep. I was sleeping from 6pm-9pm and then up until 1am. Some days I would go to bed at 10pm and wake up at 3am and not be able to go back to sleep until 6am. IT. WAS. MISERABLE. I know sleep is important, but through Kaiser I also learned that it's a key element to my depression and something I must always keep monitored. Bad sleep = slipping into depression (for me personally).
Without going into each and every detail of my recovery, I just wanted to give Kaiser a shout-out for their help and support with my depression. I've learned how to better care for myself both in happy times and in sad times so that I don't slip back down into the depths of depression like I did before. I'm not sure where I would be without my Depression Care Manager (who I will miss talking with. She was AWESOME).
If you have Kaiser and find yourself looking for help, I HIGHLY recommend this service. It's at no additional cost and it quite literally saved my life. Feel free to message me or email me if you have questions. I'd be so happy to help in whatever ways I can as someone who had such a positive experience with this member benefit.
Here's to mental health and giving yourself a fighting chance to overcome the darkness life can bring.
xo
Thursday, January 28, 2016
Friday, January 1, 2016
New in 2016
Happy New Year 2016!
I hope that you got to celebrate and bring in the new year yesterday with joy and hope for what 2016 has in store! For this post, I wanted to share what I'm looking forward to and what I'm hoping to focus on in the new year. The biggest focus will be on family. This means all the types of family that exist in my life: My immediate family. My small group. My boyfriend. My church...the list goes on.
The past month or so has really opened my eyes to how important family is to enjoy a rich life filled with love. I've seen some real ugliness in families and how hurtful those relationships can be to a person, but I have also seen family step up and support someone who is hurting and feeling alone. I want to continue to see the beautiful things family can add to my life and focus on those positives rather than dwell on past hurts.
I want to continue to share life with my small group and my church. I've been pretty absent in my church the last half of 2015 and I've really missed those Sunday mornings spending time with God, singing, praying, and being with my church family. Thankfully I have been able to regularly attend my small group and that has been so wonderful. I led my first study this Fall and for the first time, enjoyed the process of preparing the study and digging deep in the text. I'm looking forward to leading again this Spring.
I have enjoyed 7 months with my boyfriend and I'm so excited for what this new year has in store for us. He continues to challenge me to be better and stronger and I hope to continue to do the same for him. We aim to build one another up and support one another when things get hard. We have both learned a lot through the hardships the past month has brought and I'm so thankful that it's only brought us closer. I've seen him at his lowest and he's seen me at mine, and we've both been able to navigate the unknown with love and patience with one another. 2016 could be a really big year for us and I'm excited to see what God has in store!
And lastly, my immediate family. I can't say enough good things about them. They bring so much joy, laughter, and love to my life. While my family is changing, we remain close and I only hope that continues in 2016. I've gotten the chance to see my family in a different way this past year and how they love me so unconditionally even when I mess up. Their love is what helps me understand God's love for us and how it's never ending. I hope to continue to love them well and grow closer as a family. They got me through my deepest depression 2 years ago...without them I don't know where I would be. I'm looking forward to supporting them and what new adventures we go on as a family in the new year!
I wanted to end by saying this: Be good to those you call family. I know we all have our own baggage either with our blood family or the family we've been able to create through friendships, etc. But in a world so broken and hurting, I hope that each of you reading this can hold tight to those you love and cherish the time you have together. Don't let ugliness tear you apart. Life is much too short and entirely too precious to waste on hate & bitterness. Here's to healthy families in 2016 and a year filled with love and healing for us all.
Cheers.
I hope that you got to celebrate and bring in the new year yesterday with joy and hope for what 2016 has in store! For this post, I wanted to share what I'm looking forward to and what I'm hoping to focus on in the new year. The biggest focus will be on family. This means all the types of family that exist in my life: My immediate family. My small group. My boyfriend. My church...the list goes on.
The past month or so has really opened my eyes to how important family is to enjoy a rich life filled with love. I've seen some real ugliness in families and how hurtful those relationships can be to a person, but I have also seen family step up and support someone who is hurting and feeling alone. I want to continue to see the beautiful things family can add to my life and focus on those positives rather than dwell on past hurts.
I want to continue to share life with my small group and my church. I've been pretty absent in my church the last half of 2015 and I've really missed those Sunday mornings spending time with God, singing, praying, and being with my church family. Thankfully I have been able to regularly attend my small group and that has been so wonderful. I led my first study this Fall and for the first time, enjoyed the process of preparing the study and digging deep in the text. I'm looking forward to leading again this Spring.
I have enjoyed 7 months with my boyfriend and I'm so excited for what this new year has in store for us. He continues to challenge me to be better and stronger and I hope to continue to do the same for him. We aim to build one another up and support one another when things get hard. We have both learned a lot through the hardships the past month has brought and I'm so thankful that it's only brought us closer. I've seen him at his lowest and he's seen me at mine, and we've both been able to navigate the unknown with love and patience with one another. 2016 could be a really big year for us and I'm excited to see what God has in store!
And lastly, my immediate family. I can't say enough good things about them. They bring so much joy, laughter, and love to my life. While my family is changing, we remain close and I only hope that continues in 2016. I've gotten the chance to see my family in a different way this past year and how they love me so unconditionally even when I mess up. Their love is what helps me understand God's love for us and how it's never ending. I hope to continue to love them well and grow closer as a family. They got me through my deepest depression 2 years ago...without them I don't know where I would be. I'm looking forward to supporting them and what new adventures we go on as a family in the new year!
I wanted to end by saying this: Be good to those you call family. I know we all have our own baggage either with our blood family or the family we've been able to create through friendships, etc. But in a world so broken and hurting, I hope that each of you reading this can hold tight to those you love and cherish the time you have together. Don't let ugliness tear you apart. Life is much too short and entirely too precious to waste on hate & bitterness. Here's to healthy families in 2016 and a year filled with love and healing for us all.
Cheers.
Friday, December 4, 2015
Fear & Response
There have been a few events in the past two years that I have felt genuine fear over. First was Ebola and [what I thought at the time was a] threat of widespread outbreak. I read every article I could get my hands on, began following the CDC for updates, and learned as much as I could about the spread and contamination of the disease because I was genuinely afraid. I felt the only way to calm my fear was to get the facts and not just be scared with no education on the subject. Add to this the fact that I see WAY too many "end-of-the-world" movies and you can see why fear took over all my responses. Thankfully I did educate myself and learned what the reality of Ebola looked like for me (an American with a strong healthcare system) versus the African countries that still struggle with Ebola cases and education on how it spreads. In those months that I was so afraid, I learned how fear can truly overwhelm and influence my response to the world around me.
Recently I have found myself fearful again, but in a different way than before. I'm not afraid for my life, but the general threat of terrorism around the world. I actually saw a post on Facebook that said to instead call the group known mainly as ISIS, Daesh because ISIS implies a nation and they have no national identity. [That is how I will refer to the group going forward]. Hearing my pastor talk about persecution in the church is one thing, especially when it took place in the beginning of the church. It's entirely different when it's happening now as I live and write these words. Christians are being killed today in numbers that we haven't seen since the formation of the church. Muslims are being killed too. All innocent lives taken simply because they refuse to follow the extreme theology of hate that the Daesh spews.
And I find myself weeping for those who have died, in a way that I have not experienced within my soul until now. I cannot help but see the similarities in today's persecution compared to those of Stephen and other martyrs that followed. Killed because they claimed Christ as their Lord and Savior. And because of the similarities, I fear for the world that continues to reject Jesus and others who pretend to teach the Gospel but instead spread intolerance, hate and hardened hearts filled with judgement. Last I checked, these were not included in the teachings of Jesus. In fact, the Jesus I read about in the Bible is the exact opposite in how he treats people.
I was inspired to write this post after reading an article in Relevant Magazine titled "What Can Be Done About ISIS?" (link in the title). I do not want to be compliant in the face of such hatred. I have found myself praying more, and actually desiring to pray for the victims, the refugees... and surprisingly the terrorists. This article interestingly reminds us that Paul [Saul at the time] was in fact a terrorist against Christians when he met God on the road (to Syria no less) and instead became a preacher of God's word. It's extremely difficult for me to grasp what my prayers would look like if I were to pray for the terrorists and for their hearts to be turned towards Jesus but I get chills just thinking about it. How amazing would it be to hear that they put down their weapons and plots for murder and instead followed Jesus and gave to the poor and loved people as God's children?? God has done it before, God can do it again. Lord help my unbelief!
One of the headlines in the article reads, "Reject Fear and Raise Our Voices" and that's what I'm trying to begin here. I want to encourage us to pray, to hope for change and work together to unite the world against this group that only wishes for us to divide. We can fight fear with prayer; hate with love.
In another post from Relevant Magazine I saw the clip (below) of Stephen Colbert discussing the refugees acceptance into our country. I didn't always enjoy the Colbert Report but this is a Stephen that I can get behind. His words here are powerful and I wanted to share them with you now. Some had mentioned the idea of giving those seeking safety a "Christian Test" to see if they are Christian or not. I find that my response is the same as Stephen's: If they can finish the sentence (directly from Scripture) then that might be the better "test" of who is or who isn't a Christian:
Recently I have found myself fearful again, but in a different way than before. I'm not afraid for my life, but the general threat of terrorism around the world. I actually saw a post on Facebook that said to instead call the group known mainly as ISIS, Daesh because ISIS implies a nation and they have no national identity. [That is how I will refer to the group going forward]. Hearing my pastor talk about persecution in the church is one thing, especially when it took place in the beginning of the church. It's entirely different when it's happening now as I live and write these words. Christians are being killed today in numbers that we haven't seen since the formation of the church. Muslims are being killed too. All innocent lives taken simply because they refuse to follow the extreme theology of hate that the Daesh spews.
And I find myself weeping for those who have died, in a way that I have not experienced within my soul until now. I cannot help but see the similarities in today's persecution compared to those of Stephen and other martyrs that followed. Killed because they claimed Christ as their Lord and Savior. And because of the similarities, I fear for the world that continues to reject Jesus and others who pretend to teach the Gospel but instead spread intolerance, hate and hardened hearts filled with judgement. Last I checked, these were not included in the teachings of Jesus. In fact, the Jesus I read about in the Bible is the exact opposite in how he treats people.
I was inspired to write this post after reading an article in Relevant Magazine titled "What Can Be Done About ISIS?" (link in the title). I do not want to be compliant in the face of such hatred. I have found myself praying more, and actually desiring to pray for the victims, the refugees... and surprisingly the terrorists. This article interestingly reminds us that Paul [Saul at the time] was in fact a terrorist against Christians when he met God on the road (to Syria no less) and instead became a preacher of God's word. It's extremely difficult for me to grasp what my prayers would look like if I were to pray for the terrorists and for their hearts to be turned towards Jesus but I get chills just thinking about it. How amazing would it be to hear that they put down their weapons and plots for murder and instead followed Jesus and gave to the poor and loved people as God's children?? God has done it before, God can do it again. Lord help my unbelief!
One of the headlines in the article reads, "Reject Fear and Raise Our Voices" and that's what I'm trying to begin here. I want to encourage us to pray, to hope for change and work together to unite the world against this group that only wishes for us to divide. We can fight fear with prayer; hate with love.
In another post from Relevant Magazine I saw the clip (below) of Stephen Colbert discussing the refugees acceptance into our country. I didn't always enjoy the Colbert Report but this is a Stephen that I can get behind. His words here are powerful and I wanted to share them with you now. Some had mentioned the idea of giving those seeking safety a "Christian Test" to see if they are Christian or not. I find that my response is the same as Stephen's: If they can finish the sentence (directly from Scripture) then that might be the better "test" of who is or who isn't a Christian:
Our response to welcoming people to our country is yet another way of reacting in fear rather than love. I understand this is a complicated matter and I do not mean to make it sound in anyway, easy. I would like the people in the public eye who proclaim Christianity as their belief to actually live as a follower of Christ and stop embarrassing the rest of us. I won't list each and every verse here, but this article from Relevant gives great scripture resources as well as discusses our response to foreigners and how the Bible teaches us to treat those among us: What the Bible Says about How to Treat Refugees.
Love will always be louder.
[Update: Since I first wrote this, the shooting in San Bernardino has occurred.] I don't have any additional comments to add to that particular discussion, but I didn't want to post this in light of those events and the information coming out of that investigation, without at least mentioning it and asking for things to change. This continues to show that our world is broken and we need Jesus to heal and protect and bring justice. We also need those who claim to follow Jesus to open their hearts and not respond in fear. It's a very hard thing to do, but it must be done.
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