New in 2016

Happy New Year 2016!

I hope that you got to celebrate and bring in the new year yesterday with joy and hope for what 2016 has in store! For this post, I wanted to share what I'm looking forward to and what I'm hoping to focus on in the new year. The biggest focus will be on family. This means all the types of family that exist in my life: My immediate family. My small group. My boyfriend. My church...the list goes on.

The past month or so has really opened my eyes to how important family is to enjoy a rich life filled with love. I've seen some real ugliness in families and how hurtful those relationships can be to a person, but I have also seen family step up and support someone who is hurting and feeling alone. I want to continue to see the beautiful things family can add to my life and focus on those positives rather than dwell on past hurts.

I want to continue to share life with my small group and my church. I've been pretty absent in my church the last half of 2015 and I've really missed those Sunday mornings spending time with God, singing, praying, and being with my church family. Thankfully I have been able to regularly attend my small group and that has been so wonderful. I led my first study this Fall and for the first time, enjoyed the process of preparing the study and digging deep in the text. I'm looking forward to leading again this Spring.

I have enjoyed 7 months with my boyfriend and I'm so excited for what this new year has in store for us. He continues to challenge me to be better and stronger and I hope to continue to do the same for him. We aim to build one another up and support one another when things get hard. We have both learned a lot through the hardships the past month has brought and I'm so thankful that it's only brought us closer. I've seen him at his lowest and he's seen me at mine, and we've both been able to navigate the unknown with love and patience with one another. 2016 could be a really big year for us and I'm excited to see what God has in store!

And lastly, my immediate family. I can't say enough good things about them. They bring so much joy, laughter, and love to my life. While my family is changing, we remain close and I only hope that continues in 2016. I've gotten the chance to see my family in a different way this past year and how they love me so unconditionally even when I mess up. Their love is what helps me understand God's love for us and how it's never ending. I hope to continue to love them well and grow closer as a family. They got me through my deepest depression 2 years ago...without them I don't know where I would be. I'm looking forward to supporting them and what new adventures we go on as a family in the new year!

I wanted to end by saying this: Be good to those you call family. I know we all have our own baggage either with our blood family or the family we've been able to create through friendships, etc. But in a world so broken and hurting, I hope that each of you reading this can hold tight to those you love and cherish the time you have together. Don't let ugliness tear you apart. Life is much too short and entirely too precious to waste on hate & bitterness. Here's to healthy families in 2016 and a year filled with love and healing for us all.

Cheers.

Summer of '98

Today is a strange day. This post is going to be a strange post. But let's go with it...

When I was 12 years old I met the love(s) of my life.
From the moment our eyes met, we knew nothing could keep us apart.
I saved every picture, planned out dates according to their schedule, and I fully supported each of their new endeavors. 

Yes, I am talking about Nsync. My family can attest to my devotion to anything (and everything) that they did. And now with the uproar over the rumored "reunion" at the VMAs (crossing fingers SOMETHING happens on Sunday!) I can't help but look back and remember just what this boy band meant to me back then and what it means now.

Back in the summer of 1998 my family was struggling with the diagnosis my grandma had been given. After being sick for a long time, they finally knew it was cancer. I was 12 years old and going back and forth between my mom's place, dad's place, and grandma's house so that my mom could care for grandma. In the midst of the sadness and chaos, I happen to be watching Disney Channel and saw a concert special promo featuring a group I had never heard. Little did I know that the Nsync Disney concert would not only be the spark of my Nsync obsession, but also the thread that tied my entire summer together.

I can't remember the first time I saw this concert. But I can say that I must have watched it (either on TV or from my recorded tape) at least 100 times (no joke) throughout that summer. It was that time in life when boys became...... BOYS. So having 5 guys dance around and make you fall in love with them was welcomed. Even my grandma would comment on how much we watched it! I got my brother to watch, my cousins, aunts and uncles; everyone watched! Mind you there was only one TV in the house at the time, but that's besides the point! Looking back now, I can see why everyone allowed me to watch these boys dance around...they all knew. You see, being 12 years old, I couldn't really handle the reality of death. So this concert became my safe place. These 5 boys became my escape. 

That summer most days were spent with family; sitting around enjoying one another, watching TV, and caring for one another along with enjoying what moments we had with grandma. It was the most bittersweet summer of my entire life. I had all this family around me and yet it was all to mourn the nearing loss of someone so close to my heart. It was the first death that I can remember really being touched by. She was my caretaker for so many years and we spent MANY weekends with her prior to all of this happening. She was the best grandma I could have asked for. 

The summer of 1998 was a turning point in my life and I'll be forever changed by the experiences I shared, bonds that were made, and memories I'll keep forever. You may think it silly, but Nsync brought me closer to my family that summer and are forever linked to everything that happened. They got me through my grandma's death and continue to make me smile when I look back at old pictures or watch concert footage. One of my cousins (who was also obsessed and would watch the concert right by my side) would always say that Nsync came on the radio during moments we were crying because they knew. I know that's crazy now, but 12 year old me believed it to be true. I smile thinking about how real that was for me and how innocent a thought it was to get me through my sadness. 

Regardless of whether the reunion happens or not, having them back in pop culture discussions this week has meant the world to me. You see today, August 22nd, is the day my grandma passed away that summer. So having them back in my life for this brief moment as we reflect on her life and today's anniversary of her death has brought it all full circle. Once again they are there to comfort me and bring a smile to my face as tears fall from my eyes. 

They'll never read this, but I can't help but say thanks to them for what role they've played. These guys brought me into adolescence and made me happy. They distracted me from the ugliness life can throw at you and replaced it with catchy songs and teenage dreams. They entertained me back then and continue to do so today. Thanks guys. 

Grandma Nora, I miss you so much. 15 years has passed so quickly. I hope I've become the woman you wanted me to be. I can't wait until I can see you again.  

Grandma (holding baby brother), Mom, and myself (looking away).