OK, I have written about 2 other versions of a blog but haven't posted any of them because I have so much going on inside that I can't properly write it out into words or sentences that anyone would understand. So here's my third try...
Do you ever feel like you have so many thoughts, opinions, and creativity flowing in your mind that it's stuck. I can't believe that I'm going to use a term such as this, but I'm basically feeling Creatively Constipated.
When I started my first blog entry, I wanted to talk about my weight loss journey. The highs and lows, and a recent rejuvenation of my excitement to lose weight for good. But whoa! Talk about personal and intimate blog post. So I thought about it and then saved it as a draft for later.
Then I began another blog post talking about how the past couple of weeks have been (especially with weight watchers). Do you sense a theme?
So here is my attempt to share all the highs and lows without going too far into the personal details that are too sensitive for me to share, yet.
Weight loss has been on my mind (more or less) for the past two years of my life. When I first began to really work at losing weight two years ago, it was all I could think about. For a few months I was doing really well. Then, I just stopped. I was bitter that everyone around me could talk about (and eat) whatever they wanted and I couldn't. I thought that weight watchers was a chain that held me back from experiencing life like everyone else. I was angry that I had to be different and couldn't "enjoy" life. That dangerous thought literally took me out of the game for a year. I eventually stopped trying to lose weight all together and ate whatever I wanted. At first I felt free; free to experience the things I wanted (particularly in the area of food and hanging out with friends/social eating). You see, I have always used food as a tool to enhance the experiences I have in life. Maybe that doesn't make sense to some people, but let me explain. Let's say I was having a great day. Work went well and I felt really great. I would want to eat out or get dessert at the end of the day to make it that much better. Interestingly enough, I would also use food to make a bad day better. Work might have been stressful and I was feeling terrible. I would then want to eat my "comfort food" (which is greasy fast food) to make it better.
After a year of indulging I finally began to feel the effects these choices had on my body. I was gaining weight back, feeling more depressed, and lacking motivation to do much of anything. When I first began a regular workout routine, I learned that I was actually an active person! I really enjoyed sweating and moving around. But in the year following that I realized I had lost that interest and chose to lay around most of the time. What happened??
Well, I'm writing this blog to ask for your accountability. I finally reached a point where I remembered how much I love working out, dancing, and moving and now I want to get back into a healthy routine of eating healthy and moving around again! All I ask is for your prayers and encouragement to help me keep going. At the moment I'm focused and feeling great, but I know there will be a time when I'm tired and reach a point where it's not all fun and new again. That's exactly when I'll need your encouragement and reminder of the things I write in this blog. Remind me that I love to dance and I feel so much better when I exercise. Remind me that I want to be healthy and live a long life! Remind me that food is never a good replacement for emotions.
Thanks for allowing me to be free to express myself and work at being free to share my creative writing juices. Hopefully some good posts will form soon!
Peace.
