Tiny Little Update

Every so often I need some encouragement or inspiration to help me figure out what I want to write about on this little page of mine. Sometimes the inspiration hits and others I find myself logging in staring at a blank page with no real thoughts to share. I often find there is a desire to write, but nothing to say. It can be a frustrating place to find yourself when you love writing and yet struggle to put words together. 

I've used the image below occasionally to get my creative juices flowing and this time around I've found it very helpful. 

I was... thinking about writing a lengthy and in-depth blog about how things have been going, but I got lazy and lost motivation so I have this list for you instead ;)

I am... experiencing something new in life. Taking more risks and seeing some of them payoff. Time will tell if this lasts long, but I'm happy and excited for what's happening right now. I know that's vague, but for now that's how it'll remain.

I think... that I need to get a better handle on my room/car organization. It accurately reflects my current feeling: chaotic.

I wonder... what life will look like in a year. So many possibilities and things up in the air. I'm excited to see what God has in store for me though.

I wish... I could pause time and complete all the chores/annoying things and then push play and do all the fun stuff!

I save... way too many pictures of my boys on my phone. Seriously. Those Winchester brothers, Darren Criss, Mr. Styles....and various others take up way too much of my photo storage on my phone.

I can't imagine... being in the public eye and getting so scrutinized over every little (and big) thing. Not sure I could handle the pressure.

I believe... the Jesus I love would love Caitlyn Jenner as she is, as she was, and as she will continue to be in her life. I can only hope that we can love her and others better than we have.

I love... the Santa Monica Pier.

Glee: The End

It's been an interesting experience being a fan of glee since the very beginning. I rarely can say I've been a fan of something since it began, so glee is in a rare category of TV for me. It's been ups and downs being a fan of this show but now that the finale is airing tonight, I seem to only be able to remember the good things Glee has brought to my life. I may not be the hardcore glee fan I once was (more on that later) but I'm still a fan to the bitter end. This show was always changing its tone and trying to be something meaningful, impactful, and yet silly and ridiculous most of the time. Don't get me wrong, there were definitely episodes that had me crying (Choke; Goodbye) and others that were some of my all-time favorite TV episodes ever (Original Song). The problem I had with glee were the plotline inconsistencies and (in my opinion) character development mistakes. What always brought me back were the musical numbers. Those freaking musical numbers! They will always be my absolute favorite part of the show. 

But this isn't a review of glee, I wanted to write this post because glee really did affect my life. No matter how much I'd like to think otherwise, it changed me. 

Glee got me to love singing again and was part of my decision to take singing lessons once again. I sang in my high school choir and loved performing and learning new songs but after high school I didn't look for choirs in college. I didn't have any outlet for performing or singing acapella until glee came along. I'll never forget the moment I saw the pilot's closing scene (Don't Stop Believin'). I was sitting downstairs in our TV room and got chills when Mr. Shue hears the kids singing. Instead of quitting his job at the school, he decides to work with the misfit group of kids. *tear* 

Paramount Lot Tour where Glee filmed!

Glee brought me friends that I never would have met otherwise. Glee was my first "fandom" experience and I'll never forget it. I met friends through twitter and various other social media platforms all because I found people who also loved Glee. It introduced me to things like Starkid and Darren Criss who took me all the way to NYC to see him perform on Broadway and Chicago to see a Starkid fundraiser. I went to places and events that I wouldn't have known about if glee hadn't introduced them to me. Even the friends I made through my new fandom (supernatural) are truly because I learned how to communicate with fellow fans online and develop friendships through the glee fans first. While most of my glee friends and I aren't friends anymore, I did meet some cool people and discovered things about myself that I might not have without meeting them.

At the Glee panel during 2011 Paley Fest

Glee helped me gain confidence to believe in myself at a time when I was losing sight of who I was. I was struggling in my faith and needed something to remind me that I matter and I have a voice to be heard. Thankfully I've found my faith again but glee kept me afloat when I was looking for positive things in my life. I needed glee to help me learn my strengths and discover that being different or being "weird" was alright. It helped me accept things about myself that I hadn't previously accepted. It helped me see the world in a different way and I couldn't be more grateful.

            

   

One day I'll write a thank you letter to Rachel Berry, who I have always loved and continue to love to this day. She was a bitch, yes, but she inspired me to be stronger and fight for what I want in life. Lea Michele's voice remains the voice I dream to have one day. You can't tell me that she didn't break your heart once or twice. No one cry-sings like Rachel. 

The show failed in many ways to truly address/represent lots of groups of people, but you can't say it didn't at least try to broaden your horizons and provide a new view of people you may not have thought much of before watching the show. 

Glee will always hold a special place in my heart for all the reasons above and about a million more that I couldn't fit onto one blog post. Glee will always remind me of a time in my life when I was discovering who I was and challenging old ways of thinking about  not only my own self-worth but also how I interact with the world around me. 

Someday I'll write out a proper essay on glee (yes, I am THAT nerd that misses writing pop culture papers for class) but for now this is what I have. A look back on the show that I love/hated and will never forget. 


Thank you glee.  

IF: Gathering

I have so many thoughts about the IF: Gathering women's conference I attended this weekend that I'm having a hard time collecting all my thoughts and the sermons/speakers associated with each breakthrough I had. The conference was so much better and more powerful than I had ever imagined, which shows you just how little I expect of God...silly me.

I want to share all of the scriptures and thoughts that speakers like Christine Caine, Jo Saxton, Jen Hatmaker, and others gave on trusting in God's goodness, taking that step of faith into the unknown, and being bold and courageous to follow the path God has made for you. But they were so rich in depth that I'll have to wait until some videos are placed online to share the power/impact of their words with you. I even purchased a pre-ordered DVD of the entire conference because I knew God had more for me in those sermons and I wasn't even taking notes (...again silly me!).

What I can share with you are my thoughts and action plans in response to what I heard and felt God leading me into for the next chapter of my life. While there isn't ONE clear path for me, I feel stronger in my desire to be a bridge builder between Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender + community and Jesus than ever before. The entire conference was about empowering women in our communities and freeing women to take bold steps of faith in things that others might fear walking into. Maybe it's because I've had difficult personal conversations about my own sexuality with close friends or maybe it's because God truly is laying a foundation for me to follow Him into, but I couldn't help but think about my LGBT+ brothers and sisters the entire weekend. I cried for a lot of reasons at the conference, but none more than thinking about how deeply I desire for Jesus to break through the walls our culture and society have built between these two groups. I want to walk around the walls, for days and days, and then YELL with a mighty ROAR to have those walls crumble to the ground like in Joshua 6 with the walls of Jericho.

I'll tell you right now... I'm scared. I have no idea what response I'll get or what success I'll have in starting something that I haven't seen done before. But I feel a movement in my spirit to take bolder steps and see how God comes through for me. Honestly, I might sound like I have some grand plan or blueprint that I'm looking at but there's nothing except the dark unknown. All I have is a leading in my heart and faith that if I act I will see God do mighty things. I'm tired of just waiting. I'm tired of just hoping but doing nothing to see change. So here I am God. Shaking and trembling, but faithful. Let's see what you have for me and for this broken world.

As is typical at conferences like this, they usually have some response/action to solidify what God placed in our hearts and this conference was no exception. They had us write on rocks (and thankfully we got to keep ours) to represent the building blocks of faith for what God stirred in our hearts. Below is my rock along with the necklace they gave us.

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go" Joshua 1:9

There are more discoveries I had this weekend, but I'll save those for another post. This feels like a good place to instead turn the tables and ask you..What is God calling you to step into? What holds you back from following Him into what He's calling you towards?

I'd love to hear from you in the comments below OR through email at: engannon@gmail.com

Blessings my friends.