Tiny Little Update

Every so often I need some encouragement or inspiration to help me figure out what I want to write about on this little page of mine. Sometimes the inspiration hits and others I find myself logging in staring at a blank page with no real thoughts to share. I often find there is a desire to write, but nothing to say. It can be a frustrating place to find yourself when you love writing and yet struggle to put words together. 

I've used the image below occasionally to get my creative juices flowing and this time around I've found it very helpful. 

I was... thinking about writing a lengthy and in-depth blog about how things have been going, but I got lazy and lost motivation so I have this list for you instead ;)

I am... experiencing something new in life. Taking more risks and seeing some of them payoff. Time will tell if this lasts long, but I'm happy and excited for what's happening right now. I know that's vague, but for now that's how it'll remain.

I think... that I need to get a better handle on my room/car organization. It accurately reflects my current feeling: chaotic.

I wonder... what life will look like in a year. So many possibilities and things up in the air. I'm excited to see what God has in store for me though.

I wish... I could pause time and complete all the chores/annoying things and then push play and do all the fun stuff!

I save... way too many pictures of my boys on my phone. Seriously. Those Winchester brothers, Darren Criss, Mr. Styles....and various others take up way too much of my photo storage on my phone.

I can't imagine... being in the public eye and getting so scrutinized over every little (and big) thing. Not sure I could handle the pressure.

I believe... the Jesus I love would love Caitlyn Jenner as she is, as she was, and as she will continue to be in her life. I can only hope that we can love her and others better than we have.

I love... the Santa Monica Pier.

IF: Gathering

I have so many thoughts about the IF: Gathering women's conference I attended this weekend that I'm having a hard time collecting all my thoughts and the sermons/speakers associated with each breakthrough I had. The conference was so much better and more powerful than I had ever imagined, which shows you just how little I expect of God...silly me.

I want to share all of the scriptures and thoughts that speakers like Christine Caine, Jo Saxton, Jen Hatmaker, and others gave on trusting in God's goodness, taking that step of faith into the unknown, and being bold and courageous to follow the path God has made for you. But they were so rich in depth that I'll have to wait until some videos are placed online to share the power/impact of their words with you. I even purchased a pre-ordered DVD of the entire conference because I knew God had more for me in those sermons and I wasn't even taking notes (...again silly me!).

What I can share with you are my thoughts and action plans in response to what I heard and felt God leading me into for the next chapter of my life. While there isn't ONE clear path for me, I feel stronger in my desire to be a bridge builder between Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender + community and Jesus than ever before. The entire conference was about empowering women in our communities and freeing women to take bold steps of faith in things that others might fear walking into. Maybe it's because I've had difficult personal conversations about my own sexuality with close friends or maybe it's because God truly is laying a foundation for me to follow Him into, but I couldn't help but think about my LGBT+ brothers and sisters the entire weekend. I cried for a lot of reasons at the conference, but none more than thinking about how deeply I desire for Jesus to break through the walls our culture and society have built between these two groups. I want to walk around the walls, for days and days, and then YELL with a mighty ROAR to have those walls crumble to the ground like in Joshua 6 with the walls of Jericho.

I'll tell you right now... I'm scared. I have no idea what response I'll get or what success I'll have in starting something that I haven't seen done before. But I feel a movement in my spirit to take bolder steps and see how God comes through for me. Honestly, I might sound like I have some grand plan or blueprint that I'm looking at but there's nothing except the dark unknown. All I have is a leading in my heart and faith that if I act I will see God do mighty things. I'm tired of just waiting. I'm tired of just hoping but doing nothing to see change. So here I am God. Shaking and trembling, but faithful. Let's see what you have for me and for this broken world.

As is typical at conferences like this, they usually have some response/action to solidify what God placed in our hearts and this conference was no exception. They had us write on rocks (and thankfully we got to keep ours) to represent the building blocks of faith for what God stirred in our hearts. Below is my rock along with the necklace they gave us.

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go" Joshua 1:9

There are more discoveries I had this weekend, but I'll save those for another post. This feels like a good place to instead turn the tables and ask you..What is God calling you to step into? What holds you back from following Him into what He's calling you towards?

I'd love to hear from you in the comments below OR through email at: engannon@gmail.com

Blessings my friends.

Things I Learned: September

I haven't written a post in a while, so I figure I would look back on September and see what lessons I've learned! My inspiration for this post is from Larissa Marks' post, which can be found here! The lessons can be profound, but most are mundane. In no particular order:

1. Having life rhythms keeps me sane: Moving to Fullerton has messed up all my habits and practices, and that's driving me nuts. I'm at the mercy of trams, train schedules, and metro rails just to get to and from work everyday and I'm exhausted. My goal for October is to find my new rhythm and hopefully my sanity will follow.

2. Trains can be fascinating research into human interaction: I take three different trains depending on when I wake up and when I need to be at work, but on each train there are the usual suspects. The "regulars" who know one another but on a strictly train-only basis, the bicyclists, the business men and women in tennis shoes and suits, and everyone in between. My findings so far: people are the weirdest creatures.

3. Concerts are expensive: Especially when you get to see Katy Perry, Justin Timberlake, and Walk the Moon in the same month! #humblebrag

4. Netflix is the best boyfriend: No explanation needed.

5. Sam and Dean Winchester are probably my favorite characters....ever: Yep, bringing up Supernatural again, but can you blame a girl?

 

6. I'm definitely a cat person: Living with a dog is so much harder than living with a cat. I know Joon was the BEST CAT EVER, but still. #catsrule is my new motto.

7. Asking for help is harder than it seems: Especially when you're not sure who to ask or even what kind of help you really need. That's why friendships are so important. I didn't particularly "learn" this in September, but was reminded of it's value.

8. I've gained new-found hope in building bridges between LGBT and churches/christians: Participating in a reading group of Andrew Marin's book "Love is an Orientation" with a church in Fullerton has been a highlight of moving there. I really enjoy our weekly discussions and am challenged by it each week. <3

9. Working out is fun! But you actually have to do it: This is actually an on-going lesson for me. Ugh. Working out, weight loss, all of that.

10. Never thought I would say this, but: I miss living in LA. Not all the time...but sometimes.

What did you learn in September?

This past weekend, I saw the movie  J. Edgar starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Armie Hammer. I had not seen one trailer or clip from the film prior to this weekend. The only piece of information I had was a movie poster I saw in Hollywood a few weeks back. I had no idea what the story would focus on when I entered the movie theater. I was pleasantly surprised during the film because I found myself captivated and moved by the story unfolding before me. I am not a historian and there are many important people that I do not know much about, one of them being J. Edgar Hoover. So I let the film tell me his story without knowing what's fact, fiction, or a mixture of the two.

I'll be the first to admit that I am not a "film" person because my media-loving heart leans heavily towards television (which is seen as the bastard stepchild of film in some circles). That being said, I loved this movie! The reason I loved it is similar to the reason I prefer TV, which is that its a character driven story. If I fall in love with your character (and yes, I do fall in love with fictional characters) then you will have a loyal fan in me.

All that being said, I found the characters in J. Edgar intriguing enough to keep my attention and wonder what will happen between each of the relationships in the film. The main character himself is an odd man, who seems to have a slight speech impediment, lack of social skills, and a temper that is hard to comprehend because its so sudden and unexpected by both the on-screen cast and the audience watching. And yet,  I saw through his anger and isolation, a man holding onto deep personal secrets (and not limited to his own, but also the secrets of those around him). Throughout the film, I could see the wear and tear these secrets had on him as a person and it broke my heart. We were not created to hold such deep secrets in our hearts, and this film illustrates what that can do to a person if they try.

Armie Hammer really held my heart through the entire film. I love his performance as a gentle and smart man, with secrets of his own to protect. He plays Hoover's assistant and confidante in all matters of the job. I won't spoil you too much, but their friendship is beautiful, sad, and tragic. I enjoyed watching Armie (what a name, right?) in a character so drastically different than what he has previously played (The Social Network). He was compassionate and loving, honest and humble. <3

Ultimately, this is not a movie review. I am not a film critic. I take in movies and experience the emotions they bring up within me rather than analyze specific shots, color contrasts, or technical details in the film-making process. This movie moved me to tears. My heart ached watching  J. Edgar work so hard for his job, for his family, and for justice and yet his life and love limited, and in some ways avoided. I felt bad for him because he was so close to something meaningful and yet so far away from being able to accept it.

God has given me an extremely soft heart for the issues brought up in the film and for that I am so thankful to Him. I haven't always had this heart for the LGBT community, but I'm glad He has opened my heart to love and encourage those around me.

 I will not give answers to those hard questions you maybe asking or wondering about me. That's not my job. But I will say that I loved this movie because it moved me. It made me feel something deep in my heart for those who are told they cannot love...and my heart was broken.

Our world has enough hate in it, we don't need to spread anymore.

I encourage you to see the film and think about what it brings up for you. Then we can discuss!

Peace <3