Depression wears a lot of masks.
It looks like people.
It looks like no one.
It sounds like tear drops.
It sounds like silence.
It feels like isolation.
It feels like standing in a crowded room.
It is one thing.
It is all things smashed together.
It is a mosaic.
Each tile for each day.
Each color depicting the vast landscape of highs and lows.
Depression is laughter in the midst of tears.
It feels like inadequacy.
It feels like losing hope.
It sounds like self-reflection.
It sounds like seeking help.
Depression looks like people.
Depression looks like me.
Depression wears a lot of masks.
Thursday, November 14, 2013
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Things I Learned: September
I haven't written a post in a while, so I figure I would look back on September and see what lessons I've learned! My inspiration for this post is from Larissa Marks' post, which can be found here! The lessons can be profound, but most are mundane. In no particular order:
1. Having life rhythms keeps me sane: Moving to Fullerton has messed up all my habits and practices, and that's driving me nuts. I'm at the mercy of trams, train schedules, and metro rails just to get to and from work everyday and I'm exhausted. My goal for October is to find my new rhythm and hopefully my sanity will follow.
2. Trains can be fascinating research into human interaction: I take three different trains depending on when I wake up and when I need to be at work, but on each train there are the usual suspects. The "regulars" who know one another but on a strictly train-only basis, the bicyclists, the business men and women in tennis shoes and suits, and everyone in between. My findings so far: people are the weirdest creatures.
3. Concerts are expensive: Especially when you get to see Katy Perry, Justin Timberlake, and Walk the Moon in the same month! #humblebrag
4. Netflix is the best boyfriend: No explanation needed.
5. Sam and Dean Winchester are probably my favorite characters....ever: Yep, bringing up Supernatural again, but can you blame a girl?
6. I'm definitely a cat person: Living with a dog is so much harder than living with a cat. I know Joon was the BEST CAT EVER, but still. #catsrule is my new motto.
7. Asking for help is harder than it seems: Especially when you're not sure who to ask or even what kind of help you really need. That's why friendships are so important. I didn't particularly "learn" this in September, but was reminded of it's value.
8. I've gained new-found hope in building bridges between LGBT and churches/christians: Participating in a reading group of Andrew Marin's book "Love is an Orientation" with a church in Fullerton has been a highlight of moving there. I really enjoy our weekly discussions and am challenged by it each week. <3
9. Working out is fun! But you actually have to do it: This is actually an on-going lesson for me. Ugh. Working out, weight loss, all of that.
10. Never thought I would say this, but: I miss living in LA. Not all the time...but sometimes.
What did you learn in September?
1. Having life rhythms keeps me sane: Moving to Fullerton has messed up all my habits and practices, and that's driving me nuts. I'm at the mercy of trams, train schedules, and metro rails just to get to and from work everyday and I'm exhausted. My goal for October is to find my new rhythm and hopefully my sanity will follow.
2. Trains can be fascinating research into human interaction: I take three different trains depending on when I wake up and when I need to be at work, but on each train there are the usual suspects. The "regulars" who know one another but on a strictly train-only basis, the bicyclists, the business men and women in tennis shoes and suits, and everyone in between. My findings so far: people are the weirdest creatures.
3. Concerts are expensive: Especially when you get to see Katy Perry, Justin Timberlake, and Walk the Moon in the same month! #humblebrag
4. Netflix is the best boyfriend: No explanation needed.
5. Sam and Dean Winchester are probably my favorite characters....ever: Yep, bringing up Supernatural again, but can you blame a girl?
6. I'm definitely a cat person: Living with a dog is so much harder than living with a cat. I know Joon was the BEST CAT EVER, but still. #catsrule is my new motto.
7. Asking for help is harder than it seems: Especially when you're not sure who to ask or even what kind of help you really need. That's why friendships are so important. I didn't particularly "learn" this in September, but was reminded of it's value.
8. I've gained new-found hope in building bridges between LGBT and churches/christians: Participating in a reading group of Andrew Marin's book "Love is an Orientation" with a church in Fullerton has been a highlight of moving there. I really enjoy our weekly discussions and am challenged by it each week. <3
9. Working out is fun! But you actually have to do it: This is actually an on-going lesson for me. Ugh. Working out, weight loss, all of that.
10. Never thought I would say this, but: I miss living in LA. Not all the time...but sometimes.
What did you learn in September?
Friday, September 13, 2013
Obsession: Supernatural
To know me is to know that I am an obsessive person. Once I find something that I love/enjoy, I jump directly into everything about it so that I can know as much as possible. I've noticed that overtime, some of these obsessions cool down and become regular/mild interests, while others remain strong obsessions for years (CC: Nsync). So this being my outlet for thoughts, I figure I would make this a theme in my writing occasionally. Labeled under "Obsession" I will write out what's got my attention lately.
We begin this series with Supernatural.
Judge me if you will, but only if you've watched at least 3 episodes first! If not, move along in your judgement.
I remember when this show started, back when it was on the WB (...tear) and I thought it looked ridiculous. Especially since I watched Gilmore Girls and seeing Jared Padalecki on this new show was dumb. Plus, I've never been into scary/horror shows, so I was even less interested in watching Supernatural. Oh how wrong I was. To give myself some credit, it premiered during my freshman year of college and I was starting to think the WB was for a younger TV viewer. Looking back, I have so many TV regrets!
Let's continue....
The series follows the Winchester brother as they hunt demons, ghosts, monsters, and other figures of the supernatural. The show is about to start it's 9th season (!!!) and thanks to my handy Netflix subscription, I am currently in the middle of Season 3 hoping to catch up by the premiere in October. I have a lot of catching up to do and I cannot wait! I will admit that the scary stuff in the show does get to me at times. I look away or mute the sound because it is legit scary. Evil spirits and demons freak me out. But they defeat them! Faith and religion are also discussed in the show and I have come to appreciate the ways they discuss God, religion, spirits and such. Keep in mind there are 5 entire seasons of material and mythology that I have yet to see, but still, I have enjoyed the discussion so far. I won't go into too much plot or detail in the show, but instead dive into the reason this is my newest obsession.
It's their brotherly love and support that gives the show it's heart and soul. All the other good stuff (spot on humor, gorgeous men, and interesting mythology!!!) is a bonus in my opinion.
Its so beautiful to see these brothers act the way that they do for one another. I can't put my finger on exactly why this bond is so endearing, but it is. Maybe it's because I'm not used to seeing this kind of love between siblings on TV. I'm used to brothers who "get along" or brothers who are loving/good to one another, but the Winchesters take it to a whole other level. They depend on each other. They constantly make sacrifices for one another. They look out for one another. They love each other. They are the only family they got! They would die for one another if it came down to it. They are also the most macho and yet equally emotional male characters that I've seen on TV. They cry for one another and mourn losses together. It's beautiful.
There is a lot more to discuss and a lot more that keeps me hooked, but for now that's all I'll go into. I know it's a lot to take in and the evil stuff is pretty intense so I wouldn't recommend it if you scare easily... but if you're looking for a show heavy with emotions, love, fighting evil, and two pretty handsome guys...watch Supernatural. You won't regret it. I sure don't.
Side Note: I've been watching some YouTube clips of Jared and Jensen (actors who play the Winchesters) and they seem to have an equally strong friendship outside of the show as their characters do on the show. It's really adorable. Below is a clip of the boys impersonating each other's characters:
Lastly! I'm not the only one who thinks this. Check this list of TV's Top brothers (#1!): http://www.buddytv.com/slideshows/24/tvs-best-brothers-70480.aspx
We begin this series with Supernatural.
I remember when this show started, back when it was on the WB (...tear) and I thought it looked ridiculous. Especially since I watched Gilmore Girls and seeing Jared Padalecki on this new show was dumb. Plus, I've never been into scary/horror shows, so I was even less interested in watching Supernatural. Oh how wrong I was. To give myself some credit, it premiered during my freshman year of college and I was starting to think the WB was for a younger TV viewer. Looking back, I have so many TV regrets!
Let's continue....
The series follows the Winchester brother as they hunt demons, ghosts, monsters, and other figures of the supernatural. The show is about to start it's 9th season (!!!) and thanks to my handy Netflix subscription, I am currently in the middle of Season 3 hoping to catch up by the premiere in October. I have a lot of catching up to do and I cannot wait! I will admit that the scary stuff in the show does get to me at times. I look away or mute the sound because it is legit scary. Evil spirits and demons freak me out. But they defeat them! Faith and religion are also discussed in the show and I have come to appreciate the ways they discuss God, religion, spirits and such. Keep in mind there are 5 entire seasons of material and mythology that I have yet to see, but still, I have enjoyed the discussion so far. I won't go into too much plot or detail in the show, but instead dive into the reason this is my newest obsession.
The Winchester Brothers. Period. The end.
It's their brotherly love and support that gives the show it's heart and soul. All the other good stuff (spot on humor, gorgeous men, and interesting mythology!!!) is a bonus in my opinion.
Its so beautiful to see these brothers act the way that they do for one another. I can't put my finger on exactly why this bond is so endearing, but it is. Maybe it's because I'm not used to seeing this kind of love between siblings on TV. I'm used to brothers who "get along" or brothers who are loving/good to one another, but the Winchesters take it to a whole other level. They depend on each other. They constantly make sacrifices for one another. They look out for one another. They love each other. They are the only family they got! They would die for one another if it came down to it. They are also the most macho and yet equally emotional male characters that I've seen on TV. They cry for one another and mourn losses together. It's beautiful.
There is a lot more to discuss and a lot more that keeps me hooked, but for now that's all I'll go into. I know it's a lot to take in and the evil stuff is pretty intense so I wouldn't recommend it if you scare easily... but if you're looking for a show heavy with emotions, love, fighting evil, and two pretty handsome guys...watch Supernatural. You won't regret it. I sure don't.
Side Note: I've been watching some YouTube clips of Jared and Jensen (actors who play the Winchesters) and they seem to have an equally strong friendship outside of the show as their characters do on the show. It's really adorable. Below is a clip of the boys impersonating each other's characters:
Lastly! I'm not the only one who thinks this. Check this list of TV's Top brothers (#1!): http://www.buddytv.com/slideshows/24/tvs-best-brothers-70480.aspx
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