Brave Enough to Fail

Failure is NEVER an option.

Except when it is.

And let's be honest; sometimes it's the ONLY option. It's part of life and I hate that this is true, but it is. One of life's hardest lessons has been learning that failure is not the worst that can happen. Obviously situations can change and failure might be pretty horrible depending on the circumstances...but I'm not starring in this summer action movie and the world does not depend on my next move being perfectly perfect!

I've devoted a lot of energy and time to being as perfect as possible and it hasn't gotten me very far. Sure I got good grades in high school and working hard in college helped me basically "fall into" graduating with a double major in two subjects I absolutely love. But all of that was done in the safety and comfort of never failing. I'm proud of these accomplishments, but I also regret not doing a lot of other things (Like Spring in New York through NYU or looking for better TV/Film internships, etc.)

The fear of failure has given me some awesome gifts in my life but it's also held me back from truly experiencing life to it's fullest. I'm the type of person who always followed the rules and parents/adults always praised me for it. But I don't have stories to tell of my childhood from when I was grounded or busted. I don't have any experiences of breaking rules or doing something "bad" to share with anyone. I don't have that story about one truly awesome night when I tried to do that one thing, failed miserably and became a better person because of it. I just was. I just am. Continuously. Over and over again.

That's OK for the past me. I don't think I was ready to be risky or put myself out there when I was 13, 16, or even 21 for that matter.

But I am now.

My YouTube channel is something that I love and yet constantly doubt. Each moment I'm recording, I ask myself, "Is this even funny? Or is this pointless?" And I consider giving up. I can't keep up with my original schedule for weekly videos and that feels like failure. I'm tempted to just stop and start again when my life is interesting or when I have a "point" to my videos. BUT NO! I must continue if I want to get better. I also must remember that everyone has a start/beginning and can only get better from there. I won't be able to make hilarious videos like Wheezy Waiter...not yet anyways. I'm not The Vlogbrothers and that's ok because I'm Erika. Specifically, I'm Erika26Blog :)

There is another element in my life that I'm constantly questioning and that's going back to school. I've been studying for the GRE and honestly felt so intimidated and so much self-doubt that I almost gave up. The test cost $175 and what if I fail? Or what if I apply for grad school and don't get in?

Answer: I figure out what to do next. I try again next year? I open up my options to other schools or opportunities? I'd have so many regrets if I don't at least TRY to get in and have the life that (right now) sounds like the best plan for me. Being a flexible professor, possibly a producer, and creator sounds like a bomb resume to me! I'd love to teach classes on media critical studies, then head to set, or development meeting! Maybe I'm naive and maybe this dream isn't possible. But who am I to stop before I even try?

Failure is definitely possible in all of the things I'm attempting this year. But I'm no longer afraid. And I'm not going to stop until I succeed and get everything I ever wanted...or fail and find another way.

Hey you, reading this blog post, Don't Forget To Be Awesome (even if it's an awesome fail). *repeat*

Nerdfighters!

[UPDATED] Hello internets. It's been a while. I've been busy, I'm sure you've been busy....

Moving on.

I've been watching  A LOT of YouTube stuff lately and it's got me thinking. What makes someone popular on YouTube? I recently began watching (from the beginning way back in 2007) a blog by two brothers who started it as an experiment and now it's an entire community/movement! How does that happen?

They are Hank & John Green (known on YouTube as the VlogBrothers).

They began with a simple experiment. No textual communication for an entire year. They could only interact through phone calls, in person (which was rare), or through YouTube videos. They also gave themselves the challenge of posting one video a day (each brother on every other day). Now they have grown into YouTube celebrities with side projects, music companies, and numerous fans which are lovingly called Nerdfighters. Yes...I am indeed a Nerdfighter. Watch the video and let me know if you have any questions :)

What can I say about these two?? Not much unless you watch some of their videos. Admittedly I am only on the 2009 videos (that Nerdfighter one kinda skipped ahead, but I'll let that slide for informational purposes). That means that I have 2 1/2 ish more years of videos before I'm all caught up.  So I haven't seen all their videos, but I'm working on it and with each new video, I find myself more inspired to try something new. I'm working out all the details and logistics, but I'll be sure to let you know as soon as I know.

What I do know is that I want this upcoming year to be new, challenging,  and most of all...awesome. The Vlogbrothers have inspired me to do what I can to make it just that.

DFTBA.