Happy Birthday Brother!

Today my brother turns 25 and I want to continue in a practice of writing him a letter each year for his birthday to reflect on the year that has passed and the many years ahead. 

To Josh: Happy Birthday little brother. Today you turn 25! It's hard for me to believe that little boy above is now 25 years old and living a pretty amazing life.  

Even now in my wiser age (number stricken from the record) you still know more of the things you want to accomplish than I have even begun to consider. You have a long-time career goal and you constantly look for opportunities to grow and develop your craft through script supervising, production, and working at CBS over the past year as a page. I hope to someday have the same focus in my work and what I want to do in life as I've seen you have in yours. 

I know romance hasn't always been easy for you, but I know that someday you will make some girl the luckiest girl in the world. You are a gentleman and I'm continually proud of you for your respect of women and decency towards others. Knowing that there are still guys like you in the world helps ease any of my concerns for future generations. You are a hopeless romantic; I know I mock that sometimes (because I'm not even close to being one) but it's sweet to see that hope and desire for love alive in someone so young. 

My hope for you in the next year(s) would be that you learn to be more flexible with the little challenges that life can bring. People are complex and each life has it's own story. I hope that you are able to bend and move with the flow of life and not be too hard on yourself or others when they fall short. Humans are flawed creature, but the best you can do is support those you love and constantly encourage them to be better to the best of their abilities.

I often tell people that I didn't grow up with a best friend or having someone close to confide in, but now I realize that just is't true. I had you. Sure, you were a built-in best friend and basically had no choice in the matter, but damn we had fun...right? I am grateful for your friendship and showing me how to care for another person. Thanks for walking with me to Burger King in the summer for lunch, swimming in the community pool, dancing to 'Nsync, and then quickly doing our "chores" before mom came home from work. I couldn't have asked for a better friend than the one God gave me in you. I'm so glad I had you when we would go between mom and dad's house because I would have been so lonely without someone to watch movies or play Mario Kart with me!

Today we celebrate you and the joy you've brought to the lives of everyone you meet. Never lose your sense of humor because it'll help you get through the not-so-funny moments life throws at you.

I love you very much.
Celebrate and know that you are loved today and the rest of your days.

Love, 

DeeDee

Tiny Little Update

Every so often I need some encouragement or inspiration to help me figure out what I want to write about on this little page of mine. Sometimes the inspiration hits and others I find myself logging in staring at a blank page with no real thoughts to share. I often find there is a desire to write, but nothing to say. It can be a frustrating place to find yourself when you love writing and yet struggle to put words together. 

I've used the image below occasionally to get my creative juices flowing and this time around I've found it very helpful. 

I was... thinking about writing a lengthy and in-depth blog about how things have been going, but I got lazy and lost motivation so I have this list for you instead ;)

I am... experiencing something new in life. Taking more risks and seeing some of them payoff. Time will tell if this lasts long, but I'm happy and excited for what's happening right now. I know that's vague, but for now that's how it'll remain.

I think... that I need to get a better handle on my room/car organization. It accurately reflects my current feeling: chaotic.

I wonder... what life will look like in a year. So many possibilities and things up in the air. I'm excited to see what God has in store for me though.

I wish... I could pause time and complete all the chores/annoying things and then push play and do all the fun stuff!

I save... way too many pictures of my boys on my phone. Seriously. Those Winchester brothers, Darren Criss, Mr. Styles....and various others take up way too much of my photo storage on my phone.

I can't imagine... being in the public eye and getting so scrutinized over every little (and big) thing. Not sure I could handle the pressure.

I believe... the Jesus I love would love Caitlyn Jenner as she is, as she was, and as she will continue to be in her life. I can only hope that we can love her and others better than we have.

I love... the Santa Monica Pier.

Glee: The End

It's been an interesting experience being a fan of glee since the very beginning. I rarely can say I've been a fan of something since it began, so glee is in a rare category of TV for me. It's been ups and downs being a fan of this show but now that the finale is airing tonight, I seem to only be able to remember the good things Glee has brought to my life. I may not be the hardcore glee fan I once was (more on that later) but I'm still a fan to the bitter end. This show was always changing its tone and trying to be something meaningful, impactful, and yet silly and ridiculous most of the time. Don't get me wrong, there were definitely episodes that had me crying (Choke; Goodbye) and others that were some of my all-time favorite TV episodes ever (Original Song). The problem I had with glee were the plotline inconsistencies and (in my opinion) character development mistakes. What always brought me back were the musical numbers. Those freaking musical numbers! They will always be my absolute favorite part of the show. 

But this isn't a review of glee, I wanted to write this post because glee really did affect my life. No matter how much I'd like to think otherwise, it changed me. 

Glee got me to love singing again and was part of my decision to take singing lessons once again. I sang in my high school choir and loved performing and learning new songs but after high school I didn't look for choirs in college. I didn't have any outlet for performing or singing acapella until glee came along. I'll never forget the moment I saw the pilot's closing scene (Don't Stop Believin'). I was sitting downstairs in our TV room and got chills when Mr. Shue hears the kids singing. Instead of quitting his job at the school, he decides to work with the misfit group of kids. *tear* 

Paramount Lot Tour where Glee filmed!

Glee brought me friends that I never would have met otherwise. Glee was my first "fandom" experience and I'll never forget it. I met friends through twitter and various other social media platforms all because I found people who also loved Glee. It introduced me to things like Starkid and Darren Criss who took me all the way to NYC to see him perform on Broadway and Chicago to see a Starkid fundraiser. I went to places and events that I wouldn't have known about if glee hadn't introduced them to me. Even the friends I made through my new fandom (supernatural) are truly because I learned how to communicate with fellow fans online and develop friendships through the glee fans first. While most of my glee friends and I aren't friends anymore, I did meet some cool people and discovered things about myself that I might not have without meeting them.

At the Glee panel during 2011 Paley Fest

Glee helped me gain confidence to believe in myself at a time when I was losing sight of who I was. I was struggling in my faith and needed something to remind me that I matter and I have a voice to be heard. Thankfully I've found my faith again but glee kept me afloat when I was looking for positive things in my life. I needed glee to help me learn my strengths and discover that being different or being "weird" was alright. It helped me accept things about myself that I hadn't previously accepted. It helped me see the world in a different way and I couldn't be more grateful.

            

   

One day I'll write a thank you letter to Rachel Berry, who I have always loved and continue to love to this day. She was a bitch, yes, but she inspired me to be stronger and fight for what I want in life. Lea Michele's voice remains the voice I dream to have one day. You can't tell me that she didn't break your heart once or twice. No one cry-sings like Rachel. 

The show failed in many ways to truly address/represent lots of groups of people, but you can't say it didn't at least try to broaden your horizons and provide a new view of people you may not have thought much of before watching the show. 

Glee will always hold a special place in my heart for all the reasons above and about a million more that I couldn't fit onto one blog post. Glee will always remind me of a time in my life when I was discovering who I was and challenging old ways of thinking about  not only my own self-worth but also how I interact with the world around me. 

Someday I'll write out a proper essay on glee (yes, I am THAT nerd that misses writing pop culture papers for class) but for now this is what I have. A look back on the show that I love/hated and will never forget. 


Thank you glee.